how to solve problems

at the moment in Evesham it is extremely windy and if you'd had any experience with wind, you'd know it likes to mess with your gazebos a lot. one thing i despise and hate is when something or someone messes with my gazebo collection. so what do i propose to stop this wind, a giant wall. yes that's right a giant 800ft wall that would stop the wind coming through. this just happens to be my solution for multiple things for example, the council asked me to stop the polish getting in, i said 'why?, they're a friendly people and they dispose nicely of the swan nuisance', however the council complained about a housing shortage, so i suggest a giant wall in the direction the polish were coming from and then paint some scenery on the other side that way when the polish get there they be all like 'o, i thought there was a town here but its just some scenery painted on a giant wall, better go back to Poland'. suffice to say they never used my idea.

one of my most famous problem solvers was my wall i proposed for the Russians in 1961. the problem was west Berlin and they decided to cut it off and they had no idea how to so i suggested a 96 mile long David Hasselhoff proof wall, they accepted but said there was no need to make it David Hasselhoff proof and so just built a regular 96 mile long wall around west Berlin. they should have listened though because in 1989 David Hasselhoff tore it down. stupid Russians.

and now for something completely different:
a note to Alexander of Bailey

Mr Alex you said the other day you were stuck on the idea of actually wanting to go to university or stay here and carry on with a full time job at the w h smith you work at. now either you was completely off your knocker and you was having a really bad day. my point being that you're and intellectual, and where do intellectuals go, uni. do you really wanna spend the rest of your life working at a w h smith, is that really you, no it isn't, and i now you well enough to say that. even if you eventually end up wanting to do something unrelated to your degree it'll be easier to do simply because you have a degree, and then you'll be happy, rather than having a boring low paid monotonous job at a w h smith on the m5

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